Leave me in the cold with water damage, embedded in the rain.

There are one-hundred, sixty-nine books in my room.**

One-thousand, eight-hundred, twenty-eight books in my house.

One-thousand, four-hundred, forty-two books if you don't count the picture books; one-thousand, four-hundred, thirty-four if you don't include the library books; one-thousand, four-hundred, twenty-five not counting the ones that are borrowed; and one-thousand, four-hundred, twenty-three if you count out the ones that are stolen.

I'm going away to college soon. The idea of picking which books to bring and which books to leave behind is more terrifying to me than anything else.

Sometimes I think I'll miss them more than my friends or family.

Maybe that's the scariest idea of all.

P.S. Writer's block is a bitch. And so is counting books.
*173 as of 3/30
*178 as of 3/31

I hope it's not just a bad dream.

fear (noun)
1 an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger
2 anxious concern
3 profound reverence and awe, especially toward God
4 reason for alarm

"And they feared God, for he was great."

Please excuse me for my irreverence, but I just can't be afraid.

Don't think me egotistical for having nothing to be scared of.

I know I should be frightened of the dark.
For the things it's done to me.
For the things it's done to others.
But do forgive me if I only find it peaceful.

I know I should be frightened of death.
For the way he takes away.
For the way he never gives back.
But do forgive me if I've already met him once.

I know I should be frightened of being without.
For the idea of "never having".
For the idea of "forever empty".
But do forgive me if I'm used to being hollow.

I know I should be frightened of what used to haunt me.
From all the memories in my brain.
From all the ways I'm damaged.
But do forgive me.

Because I just can't remember why they scared me to begin with.

I'm afraid 
of all the things
 I can't ever remember to be afraid of.